The Transcendental Teenage Journals of Royce - 27 July 2002

PREFACE

I write from my present in 2022, and you now join me as a reader in whichever timeframe you wish; as we connect to my teenage self in 2002, age 15, through my lovesick-ening journey of being a chubby gaysian, coming-of-age in a Church-owned high school, in a third-world Islamified country.

This is part thought experiment and part self-rediscovery. A way to recognise the psychological patterns which I have turned into habits in my life. Over time, I can see my belief system sustains my actions, my actions are repeated into habits, and those habits have defined my character in the eyes of others. So, who am I...to myself though? My solution is to come up with the third part of Royce, the Transcendental Royce, to help integrate my 2 chronological selves back into where they belong in my psyche.

The Transcendental Teenage Journals of Royce - 21 October 2000

[Preface]

As I continue writing this series, transcribing my own younger mind from paper to digital format, I find it confronting to revisit my past thoughts, immaturity, and suppress the "what the hell was I thinking?" response. However, it feels therapeutic as I shall now include comments on how I would advise myself from the future. 

I shall basically pretend to be a time traveller, interacting across time-space with my teenage self through my journal and imagine if I could/would change key turning points in my life.

I've also come to realise that it is my vain attempt at immortality and legacy. I say vain, because nothing lasts forever even if it is the internet, and it is playing to my ego; Yet it gives me a way to validate my existence, and hopefully help others in the future, even if I feel like I can't help much now.

This project is painful and embarrassing because I saw my teenage self as a strange otherworldly creature stuffed into a dark-skinned nerdy gay fat suit, who had multiple personalities, hypersensitivity, and didn't play the role of a Human very well at that.

In saying that, the goal for me here is to be thankful. A Gratitude Journal EXtraaa, because technically this is going to be a journal within a journal, but aimed at gratitude, for who I've become.

----------

 [21/10/2K]

Exams have ended! finally relax time. These few weeks though, I had bad luck following me, like, almost getting kidnapped by an Indian man, losing my pencil box, lose my housekeys, huge headaches, fall sick when I walk back home in the rain, people being unkind, hurting me, LRT train spoilt, and so much that I forgot.

(Future Royce: "Well roycie, I know it can feel like a lot. If it's bad luck, it can't be targeted at you so don't worry too much, it is simply a pattern of unfortunate things, and you being observant is a good thing to hone. Let's look at ideas to not lose stuff so much though.")

Only recently there was some happiness. It was last Saturday at Bukit Kiara, I was sitting in the coffee house waiting for Mum and Pa at a wedding while playing Yellow version Pokemon. I played till I got giddy, had to stop. I went to the paddock where the wedding was held to look for my parents. 

I tried to call my father, then I saw my mother and Rose, so I walked over and started eating a little of the buffet, even thought I got to eat as much as I want, I'm starting to get tired of all this Bukit Kiara food and buffets...

(Future Royce: "Wwoah, entitlement alert!. don't get bored, get creative, mix those flavours and make new combos.")

Then I sat at a table to eat and I thought the wedding would be damn boring but it didn't turn out that way! So, after I ate, I asked my mother if she wanted to dance, and so we told the DJ to totallly start turning poolside into a disco party. So we started dancing, they played good music, and someone fell into the pool. then another pushed someone into the pool! Then one by one, people were pushed into the pool. By then, lots of people had to leave soaking wet. great night.

(Future Royce: "I think this is your first taste of what we will be calling 'Clubbing' later on. Good that you are using the good memories to balance out the bad. The gratitude you have for that moment already got you through the so-called 'bad luck', and more of those gems will get you through life's sequence of events. Oh, and Pokemon will totally be big again someday, start practicing how to draw them...although you think 151 pokemon is a lot now...hah! wait till you get to when I am.")

[End of entry]

Journal Therapy: Hero Of My Story

Mood: Afraid 
Location: Sydney

Rationale: I've been watching a docu-series on Netflix - Myths & Monsters which discussed the pattern of stories throughout human history. This got me to thinking about how I could use this plotline to influence my subconscious and navigating my 'mindgarden'.

If the purpose of my journal therapy is to create a more orderly, positive landscape within, what better way than to overlay a heroic story for myself, combining my love for creative writing with the emotional need for a relatable storyline. So I shall begin...

---

PART 1: A STORM IS COMING

Once upon a time, there was a young boy, and we use the term 'boy' loosely, as sometimes, he would prefer to be a 'she', not a woman or a girl,  but a more effeminate form of himself, with a large range of states in between. Suddenly conscious of sitting on a stump in the middle of a wide field, a single street lamp shone down from above. 

The landscape was dark, the sky above cloudy like a storm was about to arrive, but it seems to have always been like this. Instinct nudged against his mind, a soft alarm to find shelter, a safe space where there would be peace and comfort. 

Despite not wanting to leave this familiar spot, There was a fluttering of shadows that he thought must be his friends. They were black ravens, diving sharply from above and right past him. 

He cried "Wait! don't leave me alone!", but deaf to his words, they flew onward into the pitch black sky, melting as if they were the same essence of the gloom ahead, leaving him to run in his slow, sluggish footsteps. 

In the silent dark, not being able to catch up, it began to feel truly lonely, quiet tears streamed down his face, each drop marked the heavy expression on his face. He had walked so far that his sitting stump was no longer visible. He decided there was no choice but to move ahead, tucking his hair  behind his ears in the blowing winds.

He came upon wild brambles that had strange whispering plants. A wet sheen covered the leaves, reflecting his own blurry image that he realised he had never seen before. What did he actually even look like? He stopped to smell some roses that he liked a lot, he named them and decided they were his sisters. He asked them why was he lost, but each gave him a different reason from their limited understanding. They spoke lovely words and comforted him, but he knew they had not given a true answer as none of them resonated with him. Walking slowly and cautiously, there were also thorns that hurt his feet as he made the journey towards the garden. Again he wanted to stop but had nowhere to rest. A scary lightning snake flashed through the clouds. It zig-zagged across the sky, forked tongue flicking in the quick winds, heralding the storm that was about to break.

He saw a humongous tree far away, towering over layers of growth, he couldn't separate the shadowy outlines of bush and hedges, but could only stumble painfully towards the general direction. He looked back and wondered how far he had journeyed from the beginning, and he wished for someone who could help him. Another lightning snake zapped out of the sky and struck a bush nearby, lighting it on fire. The flame danced and grew, turning into a sparkling form. Long straight tresses revealed a beautiful breath-taking face with an aura so powerful, she must be a goddess!

PART 2: LADY JEWEL

The bright aura was a purple nimbus, shimmering around her long sparkling hair and naked form. She looked at him and asked, "Why are you so sad my child?" 

He was afraid, in awe and yet, desperate for a friend. He shyly replied, "Can you help me? I think I'm very lost". She smiled, eyes large and hypnotic, made of embers that gave off no heat but brightened her surroundings. "Do not hold onto your fears, you are stronger than you know, your search will be blessed as it will also bring joy to others, so I will lend you my strength", she said as she held out her hand.

Afraid to be burnt, he crept slowly towards her, wanting to be like her so he could shine a light into the darkness, and bring joy to others so that maybe his friends would return, ending his solitude. He squinted his eyes and touched her flaming hands, the flames didn't burn but instead flowed over his skin and melded through him. The electric fire swallowed him as she and he became one. For the first time, he felt what must be Courage, warming the chilling grip of fear and loneliness. He glowed with an aura of different colours, letting him see more of the path ahead. He heard her voice within, telling him to continue on and not to give up.

Suddenly he floated above the thorny path and could see that the shadowy outlines resolve into a maze of hedges and bushes stretching much further than he first thought. The winds seem to push him ahead like a bubble caught in a breeze. Floating past the last bit of the field's edge, he arrived at the huge leafy wall of the hedge maze. The entrance was to the side, its opening guarded by three large statues, towering over him with a stony gaze that brought some of the dispelled fear back into his heart. Each guardian sent a fierce thought into his mind, challenging him, blocking his path until they deem him worthy to cross.

PART 3: THE GUARDIAN OF BODY

The first guardian statue had a large platform before him, the platform had numbers and an arrow that pointed at 0. When he stood on the platform, that arrow spun to a humongous number, indicating how cumbersome and heavy he was. The guardian said "Thou shalt not pass! you are not the ideal weight", then proceeded to show calculations of the correct size he should be for his current state of being. The guardian struck at his mind and from the impulse blossomed a sense of deep shame. An awareness of his shapeless wobbling form dawned upon him, causing him to suddenly expand and contract just as quickly. He tried running around the walls of the maze, stretching himself this way and that to become the correct shape, but he would always snap back in the wrong position, size and weight. 

With a sense of despair, he sat on the judging platform and stared at the large scary numbers, absently he plucked at a nearby fruit and started to chew, then to munch, later to binge on the entire fruit bush before stopping himself. The arrow on the platform swung up and up, numbers growing ever larger, making him panic though he just ate more in response. His mid-section soon bulging like rolls folding on top of each other.

---

...Will he ever get past the first guardian? tune in next time on my next Journal Therapy entry.

Moon Rabbitch

illustration by Royce Tan T.G. (The Great)

When the moon disappears from the sky, we know that it has been eaten.
Because on the moon, there lives a creature with long sock-like ears, huge padded feet, as cute as a bunny.
BUT, this adorable sack traps a dark soul and is called ... the RABBITCH
(*A terrifying creature created when a bunny voodoo doll was used to trap that spirit in The Ring's horror video... I digress, ehem.)

The Rabbitch is trapped on the Moon with no body and no food.
The Rabbitch is always hungry and she is always angry.
Angry enough to eat rocks; and she does.
Piece by piece, She eats the moon in 28 days.
Her bite marks are craters, her crumbs are comets.

The Rabbitch has done this over and over again for eons.
Perceivable only as the Moonshadow.
Every once in a while, she gets powerful enough to eat the sun, which they call a Solar Eclipse.
The Chinese characters for Lunar eclipse are = 月食Yuè shí

月= Moon

食= Food/Eat

When the moon is full you can see the Rabbitch'es shadow with a good telescope.

Over time humans have collected proof of her existence.

Now you know why the moon gets eaten every month.
Appreciate the Moonlight, before it is consumed anew.

Learn more about Japanese Moon Rabbit Legends on the WIKI : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_rabbit

Prompted Writing: Tell a story set in a place where the landscape reworks itself nightly.

Working Title: When All Was One

0.1. One. Many. Humongous. INFINITE.^1000

Our existence expanded from the smallest of pinprick of vibration into a massive cataclysm of exploding energy.

The blossom of energy thrust itself forward at the speed of light and left a stream called Time.

The next few seconds, we were One no longer, but disintegrated into many impossible divisions, with such force that we are still expanding as you are reading this.

In those first billion nights, our universe was but a swirling mess of  cross-elemental marriages between Protons and Electrons, turning us into unions called Hydrogen.

It was always night then, for we were the stars.
We had only the consciousness that we prefer to stick together than not, and so, clusters of our Hydrogens gathered and exploded in constant Hydrogen bombs (which was a form of copulation).

Each night was a dance of creation and destruction, and to us back then, each night was a billion years.
Then suddenly the dance...changed. We created unions called Helium, then more complex unions came from our reshuffling.

EONS.

We have mastered the dance of creation and destruction. We gathered in such masses, and with such closeness, that we were called the planets

Gigantic clouds that danced to destruction pressed against themselves so tightly that they tore through the stream of time, falling into a sucking black abyss.

Other Clouds danced to creation, releasing massive waves of energy which formed the light of our universe.

The most basic of our dances is called Gravity. The pulling together. We find similarity, direct and complimentary, and attempt to regather in the semblance of our past One-ness.

Warning: Over doing Gravity will cause everyone to trip on each other and implode into a Black Hole or fall outwards to trip on all surrounding Clouds and spill their essence as a Supernova.

Our Music is Electromagnetic, a system that governs our steps at every level, pushing, flowing, repelling...it compels our motion.

Finally, Our gathering was called Mass. clusters of us so tightly gripped that we formed a one...not quite the One we used to be, but at least partially fulfilling our desire to unite.

And there is one of our largest mass, a Galaxy, milky swirls of glitter parading down the streams of time.
Night was our state for we are the stars.
In our dance, the light shall ever blaze as the glory that was once One.

Those Eyes of Blue Skies

Those Eyes of Blue Skies  


Light refracted in those clear blue eyes, seemingly to capture the exact hue of patchy cerulean sky above our heads. Those pair of lash-framed pools smiled, fleeting hints of secret knowledge danced in its depths. They seem to be focused on something in the distance and then back at my own deep brown irises, smiling right into the core of me. Transmuted into an old and familiar ache that begins to thump...thump...thump, somewhere much lower than where my heart should be, and simultaneously in my throat as well.


I held his gaze a moment more than I dared. Mentally chastising myself, I tear my sight away to find sudden interest in the floor. Side by side, two pairs of footsteps walking down a busy street, indistinguishable from the cadence of city-dwellers going about their lives, only separated by my own  mental bubble of 'Us'.


A fleeting taste of disgust creeps inside my throat.

'Weak.'

The thought came unbidden. A statement. It just felt like I shouldn't be so weak from a simple look! Do I not have any sense left in my head? Has all my past experiences not thought me anything?

He stops by the cold grey marble tables at the cafe, just as the light of day faded. With a twinkle in his now darker blue eyes, he announced that he will get us both Chai Lattes. I smiled, nodded and I kept my shroud of mystery as tightly as I could, betraying nothing in my expression.

The quicksands of time had robbed us of 2 years and it was the last day that I could still see him face to face. I stared at his back, scanned his leather jacket, willing a hole to sear through it as he waited in line. Perhaps if my wishes began to come true, I could wish us together...

I held the brown corrugated cup in my hands; Steam wafted in the air; a busker sat across the street strumming his guitar and a breeze blew twirling leaves onto the ground.

We were talking and I wanted to hold him like that in my head forever. Spirited, smiling...warm...

"Hey?" he asked.

His voice broke through my reverie.

"Hmm? Oh sorry, you were saying?"

I smiled gently to reassure him. He probably knew what was going on in my head, but tried to cheer me up anyway.

He was always trying to get me to see the brighter side of things... and I even saw it sometimes... but only through his eyes.

I absentmindedly tugged on my left earlobe again. A tell-tale habit of mine when I felt insecure. I took a deep sip, felt my heart climb up my throat again and said :

"I'm going to miss you."

yet the unsaid words hung in my mind.

{[ I still love you ]}

We locked eyes for a moment, the briefest moment; but to my bared soul, it was a silent eternity, sinking into the depths of those eyes...

************

My lids swept open and my pupils dilated in shadow-streaked darkness. (Inhale.)

A dream of a memory, one year past.

It had seemed so real, but leaked away as soon as I tried desperately to grasp it. Like slipping quicksand through fingers, only the sensation is left when you close your palms.

364 days and a quarter make up one year, but a year means very little when you've left your heart to drown in someone else's eyes. I regain an empty calm, staring out the barred windows into the abandoned night.

Awaiting the dawn to paint the skies, the color of his eyes.

Failure To Launch (short fiction)

It's been a year since I've failed my mission. not a mission to Mars, but just as important and challenging.

Sometimes lifting yourself off the ground can feel as difficult and as risky as a space shuttle launch. It's been little over a year since my failure to launch and I am still stuck here. I sit in my spacesuit of dreams most of the time now. I dream of being amongst the stars, a celestial held in reverence by all tongues.

Some say that I won't reach beyond, the sky is The limit; statistically, things are not in my favor. I should just plant my feet on solid ground, grow roots, settle down...settle.

My own motto: 'Don't settle for less than your personal best.'

I stare at the Full Moon. The Sun is steadfast but the Moon, the moon, she fills and fades with rhythm, an ancient cycle ruling over human consciousness.

There is something so much larger out there, yet undiscovered and unknown to the minds of men.

I've heard: "The human mind is a way for the Universe to contemplate itself."

The gift of awareness can contemplate things so much bigger than us, so much older and transcendent.

The big question still hangs: "What are we here for?"

Perhaps our function is not in our form but in the way we form. Alone, we are physically pitiful and our newborns would die quickly, when we form a family, we are connecting energy. The larger our web of connections, the more empowered we feel.

Our innate desire makes us explore, expand and evolve.

My mission is what failed to launch, not my dreams.
My dreams are like the moon. I may not see it today but it does not mean it's not there. The unseen moon still exerts its pull on the tide, its pull on me.
My hope is like the sun, there is light even on the darkest mornings.
My passion is like the sparkling stars above, ignited and seen long after it has passed.

Narwhals vs Hammerheads

Why The Hammerheads Hate The Narwhals.

 ...King Neptune ruled the seven seas, he granted the sea creatures protection against the Two-Legs whom have left the dry lands and began destroying our oceans. The docile Jellyfish, received ribbons of poison; the Eels he gifted with lightning; the Octopus gained shape-shifting and many more creatures were blessed with new abilities. When it came to the last & most important gift, he asked his royal counsellor,Mana the Manatee leader.


King Neptune asked: "Who under the Surface deserves the horn of Pegasus?"

Mana replied: "Such power must rest with wisdom. We would take the burden."

Great White, leader of the Sharks greedily disagreed: "We should be the guardians. We swim faster and    our sharp teeth serves us well."

This argument went on as King Neptune thought of an idea. He decreed: "Let the horn be awarded to one who can remove a Two-Leg weapon by disarming them and bringing that object to me."

Each of the two tribes sent their leaders to seek this weapon. Mana knew Great White would follow her, she thought of a plan and swam to a Two-Leg she often saw by the Sargasso sea. Soon, she found the demon ferociously bashing what must be a weapon against the giant driftwood which they used to traverse the Surface and capture fish folk. Mana took care to disguise herself, seaweed placed over her head to resemble human hair, Mana crept to the shore where the Two-Leg they called Carpenter stood waist deep, smashing weapon against wood with terrible ferocity.

SPLASH!

Carpenter looked at Mana's tail and the strange human form beneath the waves. Dark flowing hair and ample hips swam away. He called after her: "Fair Mermaid, please grant me my wish!" and began to swim after Mana mistaking her for a real mermaid.

You see, there were times when the Two-Legs have captured our merfolk and demanded powers in exchange for our people's freedom. The infamous Two-Leg they called Aphrodite was one such monster, but this old Turtle will tell you that story some other day. Where was I? Oh yes, Mana saw Great White lurking behind rocks and swam towards him calling: "The Two-Leg is attacking me! He has a weapon!"

Great White was lightning fast. In a surface sparkle, the Two-Leg, Carpenter, had been attacked by Great White. Mana hurriedly swam to the giant driftwood and found the strange weapon, half driftwood and half ...silver rock. Mana wasted no time in rushing back to the king before Great White realized that he had been tricked.

In the castle, King Neptune inspected the odd item and looked carefully at the small but heavy two-headed end. He said: "This is surely not the craft of any Merman. Well done Mana, The horn of Pegasus shall be granted to thee and you shall henceforth be known as the Whales of Neptune, Nar-Whals as the ancients would say." He crowned the horn on Mana's forehead and each of her group sprouted the same horn.

Great White swam in, furious at the sight of Mana and her legion receiving the horn, He protested: "No! We were tricked, Your Majesty! Mana made me kill the Two-Leg."

Mana swam to Great White and lightly touched him with her new horn.

The truth came pouring out of his mouth unbidden: "I care not for defending our oceans, I want revenge for my finless brothers. I would gladly kill every single Two-Leg and would kill Mana now and You if it would assure my revenge."

 Upon hearing this, I remember King Neptune's dark face: "We shall not become like the bloodthirsty Two-Legs! The horn is a gift of truth & peace, not revenge. Great White, You who would kill your own king, you are hereby banished from the Kingdom of Sirenia and you are never to return again."

Great White fled the castle in embarrassment, vowing to kill each Two-Leg, Nar-Whal or Manatee he could find.

King Neptune raised the weapon, which Two-Legs called... a Hamma...no, no. A Hammer. That's it! King Neptune struck the Hammer down upon the rest of the shark soldiers. Their large heads became flat and they lost many of their sharp teeth. They were then called the Hammerheads, wearing the shameful form of a Two-Leg weapon wherever they swam.

They serve to remind us of the dangers above the Surface and the terrible power that Two-Legs wield. This is why they still swim in a unity of a school and the Great White's descendants choose to be lone hunters, abandoning peace and unity.

The Nar-Whals gaining more wisdom through the power of the horn, taught us that peace is more powerful than force. They retreated to the freezing arctic ocean where Two-Legs do not like to go.

 However, the tides bring warning of change now. Two-Legs have created Whale-sized driftwood, made from their hammer's head silver rock, even the arctic seas are not safe any longer. The Hammerheads still hate the Nar-Whals for assigning them such a fate, but both sides agree that they must dismiss their differences in the face of the greater Two-Leg threat.

That is enough of bedtime stories for now, young Prince Triton. Your father King Poseidon would be angry if you did not get your rest. This old turtle needs to rest too now. *yawns* The purity of the waters are not what they used to be you know."

The ancient sea turtle sighed once more and left Prince Triton to contemplate the fearful Two-Legs deep below the now polluted surface.

THE END.

Short Fiction: Girl of the Gale - Part 1

   

Girl Of The Gale

           The wind whipped her hair in the custard yellow light. Each buttercup blossom nodding its head back and forth. Green eyed and innocent, Aurai's face lit up as she took in the scent on the breeze. She took care not to step on any blossom for fear of damaging the delicate wild flowers. She sang:

"Are you going to Soveren Faire? Flowers bloom,~ Rosefairy and Tyme~" (sung in the tune of Scarborough Fair)

The breeze picked up.

"With song, this Spring, shall fly on the winds~ There was once a true love of mine.~" 

With that last verse the winds rushed past her dark hair and sent a whole field of pollenated seedlings into the air.

Like fairy dust, the seeds spun around her and flew across the hills towards the desert. She stared into the horizon, willing the seeds to take root in the Starving Lands. Calming her heart, she brought the winds back down to stillness.

She heard a rustle from a specific spot now, She turned to see someone hiding among the thrush. She was being watched.

"Come out! I know you're there, do not think you can conceal yourself and watch me! Pervert!"

In anger, she drew a circle at her feet and a small stirring of air spun itself into a fast funnel. Aurai opened up her palm and the funnel rushed into the direction of her spy, tossing dirt and dust in its path. The little tornado threw the person into sight. Aurai heard loud coughing, as if whoever it was swallowed a good amount of dust. The brown powder settled and the form of an old woman in worn out clothes raised her hand in defense.

"Please, kind Magess, do not harm poor old Vate, Vate means you no offense."

Aurai ran to help her in alarm, she had not thought it would be a weak old woman hiding by the river. It was usually the town boys whom tried to play pranks on her. Aurai lifted Vate's slender frame slowly, at a closer look, she noticed that this woman wasn't as old as she thought, simply emaciated from hunger.

"I am so sorry Vate, pardon my transgressions (she intoned formally in the Aniki tongue with a slight bow to her elder) Are you injured at all?" Aurai's face blushed with a rosy glow.

"It is alright, peace to the contrite (she replied in a different accent of the tongue). I should not have concealed my presence Magess, it is my fault. I simply did not want to disturb your ritual." She smiled a weak smile and tried to arrange her garments as best she could without looking into the river's reflection.

With another embarrassed smile, Aurai looked away and said: "Oh... this was not an actual Sidhe ritual. I...I've have simply been practicing you see. My mother is the town's Prima Magess and I am simply her apprentice." She did not want the traveller to know that she wind summoning without permission.

She quickly asked:

"Your accent and dressing are not familiar, Did elder Vate travel far from the west?" Aurai guided the older lady to a boulder nearby, it wasn't comfortable for sitting but it would have to do for then.

"Thank you Magess." Vate winced as she sat on the sharp rocks and Aurai quickly replied "Your gratitude is admired" (in the formal Aniki way) "Well Vate has traveled far from the borders of the Starving lands. This winter has robbed Vate's family of her food source......"

In that moment, her eyes became haunted and even more tired. Her body sagged like a rice bag and she held her wrist looking down to the ground.

"Vate has lost her son two weeks ago." she almost whispered. Her eyes welling up.

by *DominikaAniola

Aurai's heart was filled with sympathy when she heard this, and sat beside this lady in an attempt to comfort her. "I am so sorry for your tragedy Vate. Please tell me more and you do not have to use the Low Language with me." (Low Language is the way a commoner or one of lower rank would refer to themselves as the third person when speaking to one of higher rank)

" Va... I... I have nothing left to live for in the Shara, the last winter has brought the borders of the Starving lands into my village, Enlil, . Many have left in search of new living lands. My son Amun has been lost to the hunt... Another hunter thought him prey..." At this, she began to sniff and clenched her skirts to suppress her great sorrow.

Aurai touched her silver worked Magess necklace, a symbol of good luck and her station. She silently prayed for Amun's soul as such a tragic incident would surely not let his spirit rest. Aurai lightly patted Vate's arm to reassure her.

"The hunger in my village have driven my neighbours to petty robbery." She said that with a hint of anger. "They would not even let an old woman grieve in peace. That was when I decided that there is nothing left in Enlil for me anymore."

Staring at Vate's sunken cheeks and trembling arms, Aurai decided that she will at least give this woman shelter and a warm meal for throwing her into the air with such indignation.

"Elder Vate, please accept my invitation to rest in my home and share my meal. You shall stay with me and my mother until we find you a suitable living in my town, Soveren. Mother always says that the town could use more female energy."

Vate's eyes widened at such a generous offer and before she could motion to refuse, Aurai interrupted her: "I will not take a refusal as it is my payment for inflicting injury to your body. Please, it is the least I can do. I would be dishonoring the oath of the Magess Circle if I do not help someone in need."

Weakly, Vate let her hand fall down and thanked Aurai with a defeated nod. She was much too exhausted to put up an argument.

Aurai reached into her bag and took out her feathered Windchime. Like a large dandelion puff, it had a chamber inside that rattled noisily. Aurai threw it into the air and with a sharp gesture, a jet of air sent the Windchime spinning and rattling into the direction she pointed.

"That will notify my mother and the household of my return. Are you well enough to walk elder Vate? Let me get you some water."

As Aurai turned, taking out her flask to collect water from the river, Vate watched Aurai from behind. As the fiery red sunset fanned its dying light across the land, Vate held a glint in her eye but her face betrayed nothing of what lied beneath...

<END OF PART ONE>

Theories on the Spirit World and Ghosts

This was a reply to a fellow mystic whom discussed a few ideas about hauntings. As a psychically sensitive person who has lived in a haunted house before, I feel that my personal experience on the matter is relevant and based on careful thought :Royce Tan

Hey, Thank you for the reply. I too have lived in a haunted house with a few family members. My observation is similar to yours, true hauntings rarely cause harm to the ones who experienced it.

The thing I question is, Why do only specific individuals experience the hauntings personally and almost never on an equal scale. Meaning that if the spirit were a single purposeful entity trying to communicate with us via exerting equal spiritual force on all living souls within the vicinity, should we not all receive equal amounts of it's energies and therefore experience the same thing?

In simpler terms = if a singer stood in front of us, singing for us, would we not all hear the same song? yet spiritual experience is always individual and unique, some smelling things, hearing things, seeing things. Different experiences within the same haunted location. This further supports my theory that the area has a Dimension/space-time anomaly, that leads us to perceive different strange things in very individualized ways.

The individualized ways such as hearing, seeing and feeling are again indicative that it isnt' the Singer (spirit) with the intention of communication, but the Listener (the haunted) that has the subconscious intention to 'hear' the transposed and dislocated Sounds (ghostly experiences) recorded in that space.

I am still unsure if the land is 'recording' these energies or if the land simply has a weaker boundary between different Times, allowing us to sense past or future Living people in the same location yet physically in a different time.

I've always wondered how come mediums can connect to a person from the past in the present yet have their timelines run parallel. I'm a psychic precognitive dreamer (I dream of the future) so I always saw it as connecting to my future self. Ghosts to me are leftover energies of the past because I think the original bulk of the soul & energies have moved on. This for me explains why ghosts fade in and out, they seem to be stuck on repeat and bound to certain geographical locations. It's like leaving a recording of your soul upon the land which acts as a giant recorder. You hear the sounds and occasionally see the video replay but the actual person is already gone.For me these vibrations that are picked up, are not so much significant of the 'ghosts' intentions but rather, your mind is attuned to that particular energy and that's why you pick it up.perhaps the message of the spirits is dependent on your 'mental channel' It;s like when you tune into a certain radio channel. It's not so much what the radio is trying to tell you,the radio station is going to keep playing with or without you, but rather, what your mental receiver is trying to listen to. With this, I think you have a very direct link to your subconscious and your senses are actually indicative of what Your subconscious intentions are, rather than the spirits.

I formulated this whole idea because if the Spirit world does exist as an unseen dimension side by side with ours, then it must be bound by certain laws of physics as well. Energies cannot be created or destroyed, simply transmuted into another form. The resulting conversion of such energies are usually able to be observed.

Yet, we assume that when we die, part of our energies gets turned into a 'Spirit" which is usually undetectable within the physical dimension, yet able to exert force and presence once in a while. This idea is weak to me because the transmuted energies disappear and then reappear only during a haunting. Where is the potential energy stored in between that? Energy for the most part is visible when active as fire, light, electric. When it is dormant like tension, chemical and potential energies, they need to be stored in something physical ; like a spring coil, food or ball at the top of a slide.

Spirits would need to have the power to store energy in nothing or perhaps another dimension, then the power to transmute that energy out of nothing and over to our dimension or directly into our perceptions. If a Soul is only one third of a Full human (Body + Mind & Soul) , then a full human should be three times more powerful and able to transmute invisible energies across dimensions to other people.

Reiki and Absent/spiritual healing could be indicative of that power, so maybe it is possible for energy to be stored in certain wavelengths that are undetected by us. Such as microwaves, infrared and electromagnetic fields. But if this theory applies then we should be able to "haunt" fellow humans much more effectively than spirits.

Sorry for the rant, but I just love considering the world of spirits.
Hope this is another interesting read :)