Roomate Hunt

I am so late for my rent.


Dear reader,
It has been a long time since you've heard from me. I have wanted to keep my silence for awhile, in hopes of diminishing the attention I give to my dramas and therefore seemingly reducing the intensity of each through ignorance.

It does not work.

As they say Life goes on, and sometimes, Shit happens.
The tragedy count for 2011 could rival that Christmas where the Grinch stole everything. I've lost 2 phones this year, my house keys, laptop, a luggage bag, had a stalker, complaint from work, news that my cousin has brain cancer...

That's only the list of major things.

Now, my housemate is moving out and someone close tries to sneak something behind my back. I am immensely furious because I feel betrayed and POOR. Which are two things you shouldn't have to experience  at the same time.

No more mister nice guy, this time I am putting down an iron clad room mate agreement so I never have to deal with shit like this. Guess it's true = Successful people make the right decisions, and you learn to make the right decisions through making the wrong ones. The point being, I'd better be a fucking successful person.

Sei Pokai ah!

I am so tremendously pissed right now. As most of you know I was just about to move out and I've just about transferred the lease to someone already.

The thing is the person has to go through an application check by the landlord, it took 4 days and when it was finally approved and I was all ready to go, I called the guy back and he said:

"I..uh..I.. taken a..a..anotha plaise aledy. you no call me! so I no wait."

This is the old asshole korean man whom I was going to rent to, whom I helped explain how things worked in Melbourne, and whom made me reject all other applications because of his false pretense of renting my unit!
I can't believe he would make us go through all that trouble to apply for the place and then back out at the last minute without even telling me! WTF is that?
When I asked him what do you mean you've rented a different place? Why didn't you tell me!

"No..er....no. I am no under obrigation until I uh... sign. I no sign."
Me: "But I told you that you're application was already being processed!"
(dial tone....toot toot toot toot) he hung up.

I wanted to just throw a bomb at his face! My first thought was - How am I going to get some bat shit to smear all over his door? No pigeon poop would stain better.

Then the Lady karma decided to help me by letting his bank card appear in my mail

You see, He even used my address to apply for a bank account. So I've received his Atm card. I may not be able to take money out of his account, that cheating bastard, but I'll sure as hell warn everyone else of this shitty liar!

Here's he's name and account, steal it! forge it! identity theft. go for it! Lady karma be with you!
Jeong Keun Cha, You messed with the wrong guy.

How I Locked Myself Out of My Apartment

What do you do when you head home with a friend that's staying over, You've drank alcohol non stop for near 12 hours, and you realise you've lost you're house keys?


You call yourself Royce, that's what.


This is a no bullshit sequel to my personal "Series of Unfortunate Event's". Lemony Snicket ain't got no shit on me, I can tell you that.


The breezy Saturday started with a clumsy 'stoned' awakening from heading out with Rach the nite before. It was Rika's project event that's sponsored by the Student Union. So FREE ALCOHOL

Workshop Bar was the setting. We were assembled like Alcoholics Anonymous shown on American TV, except we weren't trying to give up our addiction.
I come from a line of not-so-distinguished drinkers. I had my reputation to keep and wasted no time in getting my fill of Cider and cocktails.
The air was merry, people were bubbly and the flow kept coming.

It was a melbourne orienting event for the Japanese and Indonesian students of RMIT. Meeting new people from different cultures always makes me excited. The more you learn about who they are as a person, the more you learn about yourself and your identity. You know what separates you from everyone else.

I'm such self-glorifying ass sometimes.


Anyway, Sam and Aaron went to my place to change whilst the rest had dinner at Coconut House (good chicken rice btw) . Then, I headed back home to drop some stuff before heading to the party.
It was a surprise birthday for Mickey.


At Mickey's birthday, we had Space Cakes!! some MORE drinks and played poker whilst she was on her way home.

They sounded the alarm. She approaches. The cards were swept aside, shoes thrown awkwardly under a carpet and we hid in her room as she took the elevator.
We jumped out as soon as she approached the door and I shouted "Happy Mooncake Festival!" (cuz it was!) Mid-Autumn festival is what some call it.
She had the surprise.

Merry making continued with a game of King's Cup/Devil's Deck/Circle Of Drunkards. It was superbly fun.

Lost Keys
I then headed home with Raine, and to my surprise, I Lost My Keys!!! I realised I must have either dropped it at the party, or left it inside the house when I dropped stuff off at dinner!
It was impossible to get a locksmith at the time. I returned to the scene of the crime.
Mickey's house.Nope, My keys were unfortunately not there. So I had more Space cakes to calm down, then me and Raine crashed at Mickey's House.

The Next Morning,

I woke up to a Lazy Sunday, I called several locksmiths to find out the price range.

Getting a Locksmith in Melbourne on the weekends = 150$$ OMG! and I'm already broke!
there was no choice.And All he did was spin spin, screw screw and the door opened! I forked out the money, but Joe's space cakes were calming enough that I didn't make much of a fuss.

The rest of the day blurred by....


Monday Morning

I came back from a group meeting to realise there was a note stuck on my door
It reads

" Your card will be de-activated for illegally parking in a hotel green lot. If you have a problem, you should call the new building supervisor because the blue car belongs to him. - Tony"

WHAT THE FORNICATION is that? I don't even have a Pharquing car! "if you have a problem, call the building supervisor cause the blue car belongs to him." You Bet your ass I have a problem!! and what has his blue car have to do with me? What bull shit is this!? First I get a 1500 dollar bill and now a threat to deactivate my card after i just paid 150$ to get into my own house! this is just fucked up!

I called the manager alright. Turns out, it was my landlords car and I could just ignore it.

Don't do scary shit like that to innocent people! okay! we have 15000 word essays to worry about.


Later that night, the bad luck streak decides to give me a break...and strike Sammie!
Her laptop was functioning normally one minute. and then Adobe crashed and corrupted!
Then Photshop had a seizure.

Then comes....

The BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!
Or it might have been a bitchier version, since everything is out to get us now.

Might have been something like this....
The computer reports that it ran into an error while already loading a previous error. And a flamboyant bitchy paper clip to laugh at your misfortunes. "just passing by... but .. oh! hey looks like you're having an error. How entertaining."



Watch out for more Bad Luck Streak Reports.
Poor Unfortunate Royce.

Bad Luck Streak

Fasten your seatbelts guys.
Royce is in for a bumpy ride.

Almost every year, the stars align to bring me....divinely bad luck.

I am not even kidding how bad this is. Those who have known me for a long time will know what I am talking about.
It is a phenomenon that follows me due to the whole ChanceBender gift/curse I am given.
Refer to my Past post - If you'd like CHANCEBENDER post
The bad luck streaks come with a theme sometimes. The ones that I remember and recorded in my diary are :

1. The 'Missing' Streak - This happened during Form 1 in Secondary school. I remembered that I just couldn't seem to find so many things.

• My house keys went missing
• my pencil box along with the stationery somehow fell out of my bag.
• My homework.
• My personal diary was missing, which I later found stolen by the crazy/down syndrome boy that sat next to me.
• 
• My actual teenage diary lol. I got it as a gift when I was 12 ok, and only used it at 15
  
• I was MIS-takenly punished for someone else's MIStake.
  

2. The Car Streak - This was a random series of vehicle related disasters when my little Kancil was in suicide mode. Refer to SUFEER post!

• I remember rushing to class to meet my project deadline and avoid failing,only to have my car breakdown in the middle of the road. I simply turned my hazard lights on and made a run for it.
  
• I received a Summons/Saman two days in a row, one was for a parking ticket that i had PAID for, but flipped over when I shut the door!
• I woke up half an hour late for an exam, drove halfway to realize I left my handphone at home, drove back for it, received a flat tyre right in front of the house, spent another half an hour changing the car tyre....found that my spare tyre was ALSO a flat. pushed it to the nearest car repair centre, found several more problems with the car, asked my mom to drive over with 200 bucks to pay for the bill, and drove there to spend another 30 mins looking for a car park. I was obviously late for the exam, and I don't know why I bothered anyway.
• Car almost got repossesed
  
• The car brokedown again on the way to lunch with Shaza and JT.
• When I went to pay my summons, I almost received another one while crossing lanes with a policeman on a motorbike. 'Luckily' he let it pass.
• 
  
  

3. The Relationship Streak - This was around the time I was in the second year of college.

• I got into a real bad fight with Winson and didn't speak to him for months - over beauty products...
• Then I had an explosion with Rachell which sparked a war of words - over a blog comment...
• I emotionally exploded and threw a tantrum in front of my mother,grandmother, and aunt - over balancing an account book.

It was like, nothing I did or say could be correctly interpreted and everyone just had to get on my nerves. Perhaps I was having some kind of severe hormonal imbalance... looking back, I still don't understand it.

This year seems like one big bad luck streak on its own. Moving house four times, The honours year pressure and fear of death thing.
However, for some reason it seems to have re-intensified in the last week. I am not going to get into the personal stuff of it. But so far :

• Throwing my 15000 word draft thesis out the window because I've been using the wrong jargon.
  
• The bad timing for renewing my student visa and medical checkup. I have to get an extension for the application deadline.
• That 1500 dollar gas bill a few posts ago, What the Farge is that? seriously?!
• I'm late for rent, and I'm financially insecure.
• I've just asked my parents for the rent, they said they'd pass through a friend of theirs, who's coming down to Melbourne today. This morning, I received an SMS from them saying that same uncle collapsed on the way to the airport, and is now at the hospital?! WTH!?

Somehow, I have a feeling that the bad luck streak is not over...and there is more to come.

A tortured and nervous Royce.

Cold Sweat Financials

I just got of the phone with my mom.
It feels horrible. I feel like I'm disowned.

Apparently I will only be financed til the end of the year.
Knowing this makes me feel like I will be living on the streets from 2010 onwards.

My parents are the type that throws you into the deep end and hopes you grow gills.


Stress stress.

cold sweat.

Guess my plans for picking berries on the farm isnt such a great financial decision after all.

Why do these things happen to me?

I can't stop the way fate loves throwing strange and unusual punishment
Look at my recent bill that I've received from AGL (Australian Gas and Lighting)

I received a gas bill for a whopping 1540.08 Aussie dollar!

What on earth happened in my unit to cost 1540$ worth of gas used? Have I been breathing gas and slowly dying for the past 2 months?

And the Ironic highlight of the story.


I am using an electric stove.

Yes people, I don't even use gas. Yet, i am charged a thousand five hundred for my non-existent amenity. Bloody bastards.

I called the help hotline immediately, but apparently they don't support the use of foreign work slaves and child labor, so there was no one to pick up my call on the weekends. I had to stress about it for 2 full days before I could call in.

They finally verified that they billed me for the whole BUILDING'S use of gas. WTH! can we say it with me. WAT THE HELLL! AGL! WTH! AGL! WTH!

They had to put me on hold twice before the issue was finally resolved. I reckon they should give me a 1500 dollars worth of credit and let me use my electricity till kingdom come.


Sigh, this must be karma for walking out of a restaurant without paying.In my defense, it was cause their food sucked and their service was corpse-like. I shall not reveal the name in case the grumpy witchdoctor looking manager comes looking for me. It is one of Melbourne's most awarded cheap eats restaurant ;) avoid it ppl.

Am I on Strike?

this may sound like a strange question, but the whole staff of RMIT is going on Strike as of tomorrow.

For the totally outdated and tragically uninformed, I work part time at the RMIT Student Union. But they haven't told me if I'm supposed to go in for work tomorrow.

I've just received four emails from various different sources, its true...

Apparently staff members of RMIT will start picketing at 12.00pm tommorow, with demonstrative signboards and the whole shebang. the campus shall be flooded.

and thankfully, this means whist the whole uni starts chanting demands of the government, I shall be demonstrating my peace......in bed.

Yay.

Beetch Fit!

I am sooo having a BF right now. A Beetch Fit!

Everything is so pissing me off! I can't believe it.

I have been slaving my life away with these projects which is fine and all as I do the best that I can.
Remember this?

Some other group/club has stolen our posters and then pasted their own in it's place! another Frickin Sucker of a pig's anus actually stuck their poster OVER ours!!!
Rawr! we already had that space first ok! OMG me and rach are so gonna throw their posters in the trash where it belongs! Rach said we're already being nice, we should just use a blade and slice off the bottom,leavin the top stub as a nice message to them.

Secondly,one of are clients is so using us lor. Exploited I tell ya! we were supposed to do only an ad campaign for them. But now we have to do their Business research, their Branding, their logo design,wedsite design, help them give out fliers apart from doing a whole campaign!

They are not even paying a single cent, plus they don't even want to pay for the photoshoot! So disgusting! We got them free models,makeup artists,photographers and even the location! they can't even pay for the costumes. Aiya Beggars wanting to be kings.

So after they abandon the idea, they want to take it from me so they can use it themselves in the future! WTF~!

Such Tulan things lor.

Lin lau bu eh Siau chibai! MSN is not even signing in! Aiya damn chat Mung now!
BYE!

The Job Call

Today on Royce's Reality

11.30am : ~ Phone Rings

(When I was younger I would say, When I Grow up, I wanna be a star, I wanna be famous, I wanna....) [PussyCatDolls - When I grow Up] My Fav Song now. - Thanks Winson.

Royce: "*croaks* hello,...."

Phone: " hello, Is this Royce?"

Royce: "(no ah! dun disturb me, I wanna sleep!) ...Yes."

Phone: " Ah, this is Krysta from Demoplus ,you were referred to me by Alison. So Royce have you any work experience?"

Royce: "Yeah ,I know what Demoplus is, I worked at a similar company back where I come from."

Phone :" Oh, where are you from? if you don't mind me asking ."

Royce: "er....(Should I tell them? Will they think Malaysians live on trees and speak bad english and have an all round loser profile?) I'm from Malaysia."

Phone: "Oh."

Royce: (What does that mean? Was that an - Oh,I see? or an - Oh My Gawd ,I'm speaking to an Orangutan?)

Phone :" so what are you currently doing? and where do you live?"

Royce : " I study Advertising at RMIT, and I live in the city."

Phone: "Ahh! Great great. Ok Royce please come to the office in Box Hill on Wednesday. Write this down please. It's number 34-36, *Eulingwithe (didn't hear properly) Parade in Box Hill."

Royce : Writes on a note pad, "Erm, How do you spell that?"

Phone: "E...Double L...(repeats)L..I..N.G..Worth"

Royce: writes -[ E..(Doubleliew?) W..L..I..(and G?) ..G..With] = Ewligwith Parade

Phone:" alrite see you there, please bring your Tax File number,Superannuation and Bank Account Details. Bye."

Royce :"Alrite Bye" looks at notebook (Ok, that's Ewligwith Parade? Boxhill. Bring your Tax File Number,Superannuation and Bank Details...........



WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
Why the spelling so weird one? Tax File Number? Do I already have one? I remember applying for a work permit but did it come together? What's super annuation? Super annual ang pau? Super Discount voucher? Superman? Haiya! Pharqatortoise!)

*Goes back to sleep anyway*

Later found out on the website = Ewligwith Parade doesn't exist (wouldn't ya know it?)

It's actually Ellingworth parade.Ellingworth= Ewligwith>Only Royce can get such info.

I make the mistakes, you learn from it.