The Transcendental Teenage Journals of Royce - 21 October 2000

[Preface]

As I continue writing this series, transcribing my own younger mind from paper to digital format, I find it confronting to revisit my past thoughts, immaturity, and suppress the "what the hell was I thinking?" response. However, it feels therapeutic as I shall now include comments on how I would advise myself from the future. 

I shall basically pretend to be a time traveller, interacting across time-space with my teenage self through my journal and imagine if I could/would change key turning points in my life.

I've also come to realise that it is my vain attempt at immortality and legacy. I say vain, because nothing lasts forever even if it is the internet, and it is playing to my ego; Yet it gives me a way to validate my existence, and hopefully help others in the future, even if I feel like I can't help much now.

This project is painful and embarrassing because I saw my teenage self as a strange otherworldly creature stuffed into a dark-skinned nerdy gay fat suit, who had multiple personalities, hypersensitivity, and didn't play the role of a Human very well at that.

In saying that, the goal for me here is to be thankful. A Gratitude Journal EXtraaa, because technically this is going to be a journal within a journal, but aimed at gratitude, for who I've become.

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 [21/10/2K]

Exams have ended! finally relax time. These few weeks though, I had bad luck following me, like, almost getting kidnapped by an Indian man, losing my pencil box, lose my housekeys, huge headaches, fall sick when I walk back home in the rain, people being unkind, hurting me, LRT train spoilt, and so much that I forgot.

(Future Royce: "Well roycie, I know it can feel like a lot. If it's bad luck, it can't be targeted at you so don't worry too much, it is simply a pattern of unfortunate things, and you being observant is a good thing to hone. Let's look at ideas to not lose stuff so much though.")

Only recently there was some happiness. It was last Saturday at Bukit Kiara, I was sitting in the coffee house waiting for Mum and Pa at a wedding while playing Yellow version Pokemon. I played till I got giddy, had to stop. I went to the paddock where the wedding was held to look for my parents. 

I tried to call my father, then I saw my mother and Rose, so I walked over and started eating a little of the buffet, even thought I got to eat as much as I want, I'm starting to get tired of all this Bukit Kiara food and buffets...

(Future Royce: "Wwoah, entitlement alert!. don't get bored, get creative, mix those flavours and make new combos.")

Then I sat at a table to eat and I thought the wedding would be damn boring but it didn't turn out that way! So, after I ate, I asked my mother if she wanted to dance, and so we told the DJ to totallly start turning poolside into a disco party. So we started dancing, they played good music, and someone fell into the pool. then another pushed someone into the pool! Then one by one, people were pushed into the pool. By then, lots of people had to leave soaking wet. great night.

(Future Royce: "I think this is your first taste of what we will be calling 'Clubbing' later on. Good that you are using the good memories to balance out the bad. The gratitude you have for that moment already got you through the so-called 'bad luck', and more of those gems will get you through life's sequence of events. Oh, and Pokemon will totally be big again someday, start practicing how to draw them...although you think 151 pokemon is a lot now...hah! wait till you get to when I am.")

[End of entry]

Google Translate Ruins Shakespeare Sonnet

Hey there, In the age of a global house arrest, one watches lots of YouTube and Netflix as is the new customary worldwide pastime.

I binged an endless stream of videos and the thing I laughed loudest at, is this bizarre game by Markiplier and Ethan in their series Unus Annus titled:

We Played Mad Libs And Ran It Through Google Translate

I don't know why, but it tickled some part of my brain that must be very witty because it was read as a story turned into a joke by translation and shifts of subtle innuendos. 

I enjoyed it so much that I shall repeat the experiment Mark and Ethan of Unus Annus have done, using Google Translate, then I also saw on Graham Norton's show, that Dame Judi Dench is currently going through all 154 sonnets by Shakespeare, as Graham casually called the Dame to ask her during a mock Who Wants To Be A Millionaire show over video chat.

The Best Lockdown Moments Of Season 27 On The Graham Norton Show | Part One

He also later mentioned this to Sir Patrick Stewart, who is also reading the sonnets.

Inspired by the Dame and Sir, I've decided to use Sonnets and allow technology to butcher these with its poetic algorithms.

Original Sonnet 138

When my love swears that she is made of truth

I do believe her, though I know she lies,

That she might think me some untutor’d youth,

Unlearned in the world’s false subtleties.

Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,

Although she knows my days are past the best,

Simply I credit her false speaking tongue:

On both sides thus is simple truth suppress’d.

But wherefore says she not she is unjust?

And wherefore say not I that I am old?

O, love’s best habit is in seeming trust,

And age in love loves not to have years told:

Therefore I lie with her and she with me,

And in our faults by lies we flatter’d be.

Google Translate into Malay:

Sonnet 138

Apabila cintaku bersumpah bahawa dia dibuat kebenaran

Saya percaya, walaupun saya tahu dia berbohong,

Agar dia menganggap saya pemuda yang tidak baik,

Tidak berpengalaman dalam kehalusan palsu dunia.

Dengan sia-sia berfikir bahawa dia menganggap saya muda,

Walaupun dia tahu hari-hariku sudah melewati yang terbaik,

Cukup saya memuji lidahnya yang salah:

Oleh itu, kedua-dua pihak adalah kebenaran yang sederhana.

Tetapi mengapa dia mengatakan bahawa dia tidak adil?

Dan mengapa tidak mengatakan bahawa saya sudah tua?

O, kebiasaan terbaik cinta adalah dalam kepercayaan,

Dan usia cinta suka tidak bertahun-tahun memberitahu:

Oleh itu saya berbohong dengannya dan dia dengan saya,

Dan dalam kesalahan kita dengan pembohongan, kita akan menjadi sanjungan.

Google Translate into Mandarin:

十四行诗138 当我的爱发誓他说出了真理 我相信，即使我知道他在说谎， 为了让他认为我是一个糟糕的青年， 对世界的虚假微妙经验不足。 认为他认为我年轻时徒劳无功， 即使他知道我的日子过得最好， 我足以称赞他的错舌： 因此，双方都是谦虚的真理。 但是为什么他说他不公平呢？ 为什么不说我老了？ 哦，爱的最佳习惯是信任， 爱的年龄不等于岁月： 所以我对他撒谎，他对我撒谎， 而在我们谎言的错误中，我们会受宠若惊

Google Translate into Maori:

Sonnet 138
Ka oati taku aroha he pono tana korero
Ki taku whakapono ahakoa i mohio au he teka ia,
Kia whakaaro ai ia he tamarikitanga kino ahau,
Te ngoikoretanga o nga wheako o nga tinihanga teka o te ao.
Whakaarohia i whakaaro ia he horihori ahau i taku taiohitanga,
Ahakoa ka mohio ia ko taku koiora te pai,
Ka taea e ahau te whakamoemiti ki a ia mo tona arero he:
No reira, ko nga taha e rua he pono pono.
Engari he aha ia i kii ai he he tana?
He aha koe ka ki atu kua koroheke ahau?
Aue, ko te maatauranga pai o te aroha ko te whakawhirinaki.
Ko te tau o te aroha kaore e rite ki nga tau:
Na ka teka ahau ki a ia, ka teka ki ahau:
Ana ki nga he o a maatau korero teka, ka patipati tatou.

Google Translate into Hindi:

गाथा १३ Son मेरा प्रेम शपथ लेता है कि उनका कथन सत्य है मेरा मानना ​​है कि भले ही मुझे पता था कि वह झूठ था, कि वह मुझे दुष्ट पीढ़ी समझे; दुनिया के झूठे धोखेबाजों के अनुभवों की कमजोरी मान लीजिए उसने सोचा कि मैं अपनी युवावस्था में बेकार था, हालांकि वह जानता है कि मेरा जीवन अच्छा है, मैं उनकी गलत जीभ के लिए उनकी प्रशंसा कर सकता हूं: इसलिए, दोनों पक्ष सत्य हैं। लेकिन उसने यह क्यों कहा कि वह गलत था? आप क्यों कहते हैं कि मैं बूढ़ा हो गया हूं? ओह, प्यार की सबसे अच्छी समझ विश्वास है। प्यार की उम्र साल के समान नहीं है: इसलिए मैंने उससे झूठ बोला और मुझसे झूठ बोला। हमारे झूठ की त्रुटियों के लिए, हम सराहना करेंगे।

Google Translate into Spanish:

Sonnet 13 Hijo

Mi amor jura que su afirmación es cierta

Creo que aunque sabía que era mentira

Para que me considere una generación malvada;

Debilidad de las experiencias de los falsos tramposos del mundo

Supongamos que pensara que yo no valía nada en mi juventud,

Aunque sepa que mi vida es buena,

Puedo alabarlo por su lengua equivocada:

Por lo tanto, ambos lados son ciertos.

Pero, ¿por qué dijo que estaba equivocado?

¿Por qué dices que soy viejo?

Oh, la mejor comprensión del amor es la fe.

La edad del amor no es lo mismo que la edad:

Así que le mentí y me mentí.

Por los errores de nuestras mentiras, lo agradeceremos.

Google Translate into Arabic:

حبي يقسم بيانك صحيح

أعتقد أنه رغم علمي أنها كانت كذبة

ليعتبرني جيلا شريرا.

ضعف تجارب الغش المزيف في العالم

لنفترض أنه اعتقد أنني لا قيمة لي في شبابي ،

على الرغم من أنني أعلم أن حياتي جيدة

أستطيع أن أمدحه على لسانه الخاطئ:

لذلك ، كلا الجانبين صحيح.

لكن لماذا قال إنه كان مخطئا؟

لماذا تقول انني كبير في السن؟

أوه ، أفضل فهم للحب هو الإيمان.

عمر الحب ليس مثل العمر:

لذلك كذبت عليه وكذبت على نفسي.

على أخطاء أكاذيبنا ، سنقدرها.

Final Google Cross-Translated Sonnet 138

Sonnet 13 Jr
My love swears your statement is true
I think even though I knew it was a lie
To consider me an evil generation.
Weak fake fraud experiences in the world
Suppose he thought I had no value in my youth,
Although I know my life is good
I can praise him for his wrong tongue:
Therefore, both sides are correct.
But why did he say he was wrong?
Why do you say that I am old?
Oh, the best understanding of love is faith.
The age of love is not the same as age:
So I lied to him and lied to myself.
For the errors of our lies, we will appreciate them.

Original Sonnet 138

When my love swears that she is made of truth

I do believe her, though I know she lies,

That she might think me some untutor’d youth,

Unlearned in the world’s false subtleties.

Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,

Although she knows my days are past the best,

Simply I credit her false speaking tongue:

On both sides thus is simple truth suppress’d.

But wherefore says she not she is unjust?

And wherefore say not I that I am old?

O, love’s best habit is in seeming trust,

And age in love loves not to have years told:

Therefore I lie with her and she with me,

And in our faults by lies we flatter’d be.

Reading the final version of the sonnet somehow made it feel like Google is having a midlife crisis. "Why do you say that I am old?" felt very passive-aggressive there. It is interesting to see the result of Shakespeare lost in translation across 6 languages. Fun experiment to try.

Moon Rabbitch

illustration by Royce Tan T.G. (The Great)

When the moon disappears from the sky, we know that it has been eaten.
Because on the moon, there lives a creature with long sock-like ears, huge padded feet, as cute as a bunny.
BUT, this adorable sack traps a dark soul and is called ... the RABBITCH
(*A terrifying creature created when a bunny voodoo doll was used to trap that spirit in The Ring's horror video... I digress, ehem.)

The Rabbitch is trapped on the Moon with no body and no food.
The Rabbitch is always hungry and she is always angry.
Angry enough to eat rocks; and she does.
Piece by piece, She eats the moon in 28 days.
Her bite marks are craters, her crumbs are comets.

The Rabbitch has done this over and over again for eons.
Perceivable only as the Moonshadow.
Every once in a while, she gets powerful enough to eat the sun, which they call a Solar Eclipse.
The Chinese characters for Lunar eclipse are = 月食Yuè shí

月= Moon

食= Food/Eat

When the moon is full you can see the Rabbitch'es shadow with a good telescope.

Over time humans have collected proof of her existence.

Now you know why the moon gets eaten every month.
Appreciate the Moonlight, before it is consumed anew.

Learn more about Japanese Moon Rabbit Legends on the WIKI : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_rabbit

Prompted Writing: Tell a story set in a place where the landscape reworks itself nightly.

Working Title: When All Was One

0.1. One. Many. Humongous. INFINITE.^1000

Our existence expanded from the smallest of pinprick of vibration into a massive cataclysm of exploding energy.

The blossom of energy thrust itself forward at the speed of light and left a stream called Time.

The next few seconds, we were One no longer, but disintegrated into many impossible divisions, with such force that we are still expanding as you are reading this.

In those first billion nights, our universe was but a swirling mess of  cross-elemental marriages between Protons and Electrons, turning us into unions called Hydrogen.

It was always night then, for we were the stars.
We had only the consciousness that we prefer to stick together than not, and so, clusters of our Hydrogens gathered and exploded in constant Hydrogen bombs (which was a form of copulation).

Each night was a dance of creation and destruction, and to us back then, each night was a billion years.
Then suddenly the dance...changed. We created unions called Helium, then more complex unions came from our reshuffling.

EONS.

We have mastered the dance of creation and destruction. We gathered in such masses, and with such closeness, that we were called the planets

Gigantic clouds that danced to destruction pressed against themselves so tightly that they tore through the stream of time, falling into a sucking black abyss.

Other Clouds danced to creation, releasing massive waves of energy which formed the light of our universe.

The most basic of our dances is called Gravity. The pulling together. We find similarity, direct and complimentary, and attempt to regather in the semblance of our past One-ness.

Warning: Over doing Gravity will cause everyone to trip on each other and implode into a Black Hole or fall outwards to trip on all surrounding Clouds and spill their essence as a Supernova.

Our Music is Electromagnetic, a system that governs our steps at every level, pushing, flowing, repelling...it compels our motion.

Finally, Our gathering was called Mass. clusters of us so tightly gripped that we formed a one...not quite the One we used to be, but at least partially fulfilling our desire to unite.

And there is one of our largest mass, a Galaxy, milky swirls of glitter parading down the streams of time.
Night was our state for we are the stars.
In our dance, the light shall ever blaze as the glory that was once One.

I WANT: To Be Adept in the Art of Writing.

I WANT: to be adept at writing.


I WANT: to start finish a fiction novel based on the drama of my family tree's history.


I WANT: to create sculptures of a very interesting material that can capture the imagination.


I WANT: to create lots of really good, self edited, hi quality videos, in a few buttons.


I WANT: to make how-to guides on specific ways to take advantage of the internet through piracy 'data-sharing'

Desires to Delay

I WANT: a world that has no such thing as a login, but we are all already constantly connected to the internet.


I DO: ?




This is my attempt at Strange writing.. it's not the flowery words of creative writing, it is meant to be an uncomfortable glance at my desires. It's the loud desire that carries a soft, sketchy description, to show how easy it is to WANT, but how few of us dare to visualise it. And only ? of us do it.

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