Monday, 16 March 2009

Housemate on parade

HellO! Everybody!

I'm the perfect Housemate!

I speak five languages, I care about your feelings. And most of all- I'm House-trained!

The reason why I'm whoring myself out as the greatest housemate is because I hate my current one. To protect his undeserving ass, I shall name him the invasive-Skin crawler!

The invasive Skin crawler invited me into his deceptively perfect abode, tastefully furnished and cheaply priced. The thing is, once I moved in, it came with a whole lot of crap that wasn't inviting at all. Like a fly into a venus flytrap, My first night was plagued by nightmares due to being situated next to the bloody tramline. (Train chased dreams-not fun)

And like, He always asks me about what I'm doing, what am I watching, Where am I going.

Feel like just saying "Fuck Off La Pokai! So none of your bloody business ok!"
Then I will go to the kitchen and trash it! There you go!

There was one time, I was eating while watching a video on my laptop with earphones on, cuz he was watching TV and i wanted to be considerate.

So while watching series, one wouldn't be aware of your surroundings right> like so in the zone already.
He then turns to me and says monotonously

"Hey, Do you think you could not chew quite so loudly, It's Gross."

I was just so Shocked/embarassed/stunned/angry, that all I could reply was somthing that adds to my shame. I said

"you mean....You can hear it over the TV?"

Why did i say such a lame thing!??!?! I could have said something cooler like
"It melts in your mouth, not in your hands"...

oK maybe that's just out of the zone, but you get my point.

I know everyone says that we should not move in with friends. But dudes, I think its five times better than moving in with Socially challenged Gollum.

Can You imagine that his main complaint was ' You've lived here with me for a month,and i still don't know anything about you. Everytime I strike up a conversation with you, you shut off and barely reply."

in my mind i'm like "cuz ur a rudeass Pharquer! And ur forcing me to like you which makes me hate u even more!"

Hello! We're Housemates ok! Not Lifemates! Go die in a chibai!

SO moving out!

Oh yeah people, i'm actually very nice wan ok, I'm saying all of this out of frustration, but you can totally ask my ex-housemate Gin just how nice I am.
ooh I think I'm going to ask her for a reference letter. Yay! So pick me up today as your new housemate (now comes with appliances,Knowledge of RMIT uni and rent paying ability)

1 comment:

The Goonj! said...

You make me laugh till I am rolling on the floor! And NO! I am not laughing at your situation....I just love how you write! And God Damn that roommate! I know you are awesssomEEEE!
And if he asks you to chew softly again.....It just takes 2 words, my friend: F*** Off!

Hugs and Kisses!