Saturday, 7 January 2006


yesterday i woke up sick,wanting to vomit,to go to the toilet and my whole body ached!my stomach felt like it was gonna fall out of my butt n the worse part is...i just woke up from one of those dreams again.For the past year of 2005,My depression caused by 'Darkness' slowly lessened,the memory faded.Things i remembered became blurred as if it were a past life.All was going well as i adjusted to my new life that I had exchanged for with a part of me.It was the price to forget the past.I could feel the loss deeply n the difference within.Till an emotional episode in Redang where my emotional dam burst.ever since then I've been feeling a little odd.Things I thought I've forgotten were actually buried somewhere inside my heart.During the outburst with Yeng and winson.I could remember goin through everything tat ever hurt me,all in a few seconds.It was so intense that it empowered me to snap the next moment to feel such anger that it blew away all the sadness.I screamed at Yeng with all my might as i felt Emerald give way to Jewel.Then the haunting began. It was only once in a while at first,my dreams would have the darkness coming to me.I would try desperately to avoid the darkness.avoid the shame and the hatred of the memory of what darkness did to me.of what i felt for darkness.But I can't escape from my own dreams.I thought I had dealt with my past.But i guessed i simply ignored it n tried to bury it inside.Now it has manifested itself in my dreams.I have tried to run from darkness for three years now.I guess I'm now trapped within my dreams.imprisoned by my own subconcious mind.It shall become more frequent till i ultimately have to give up a part of me again for it to stop.Unless i face the darkness myself.

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