Monday, 5 March 2007

God should be a woman.

' Oh heavenly father, we want to thank you to day......"
how many times have i heard a prayer begin like that as someone brought up in a christian family all my life. Having a father that was strict and unfriendly did not help at all for my affection towards dads.

God should be a woman!

I really think so, i think i feel so much safer and loved if i think of my god as a mother, so loving and understanding. Let's face it, the typical image of a dad is him hiding behind large newspapers burp,squat and fart then a good scratch on the balls to relieve his testiklats.

For me, the way I've learnt about what God is like through all the religions makes HER feel so impersonal.So i have chosen to create an image that makes me feel more comfortable with her, I've always felt it's the mother's job to b kind n understanding while the dad is the disciplinarian.

oddly enough for me, My parents are switching places now.My dad who was the strict and quick tempered one is now becoming mild--and old. While my mom on the other hand- is gaining wisdom and becoming firm in her christianity. But i'm glad they have actually improved as parents compared to the days when ALL four of us were jus a bunch of teenagers living together, two having happened to just have lots more white hair and haggardness. LOL.

anyway wanna keep this short for you to digest. Goddess! not God.

Quote from baby Stu in (family Guy) " Dear god,...Just stay out of our way!WHAHAAHHAA"

Now a chapter from my life

Royce's Reality
So on the 4th of may,20 years ago, An eccentric woman now named Laychi drove her pregnant self to the clinic. Her husband, a man named Herman was out eating hokkien mee with his gangster-head mother.
upon arrival at the "famed" clinic, as Laychi heard from her friends, She checked in and requested that she have THE Dr Sambhi himself. Unfortunately,it was the season of Puasa,and the doctor was out taking his pre-starvation buffet.
So after two hours in labor, Laychi screamed "Im going to give birth now,get me SAMBHI!!". The nurse panicked and wobbled on the spot for awhile. seconds ticked before she told Laychi this: "No, wait! I'm sorry mam, you cannot do this yet! keep it in!". She then squeezed laychi legs together in an attempt to hold the baby in.Laychi screamed " What the hell is wrong with you! Get this thing out of me NOW!".
She then picked up the phone and called her husband... Herman who had a few beers too many while yum-chaing with his own mother realised it was time his son was born. He rushed towards the clinic.
Back in the clinic, Laychi spread her legs wide again despite the weak nurse's best efforts. Laychi pushed for her life, using her anger and frustrations,she wanted to squirt everything within her,OUT. PUSH!!!!
Out came a a pile of SHIT!! GYAAAAH!!!! the doctor came in just in time to exclaim. "oh my god mam! er- (he picked the baby up who was turning purple from the shit stuck in his nose) Nurse! you forgot to pump her shit out!!"
he quickly cleaned the shit off,but the baby wasn't breathing properly. The doctor began to smack the baby's bottom so that he would cry and breathe deeply.
just then, Herman walks unsteadily into his wife's delivery room,with the stench of alcohol on him. He sees the doctor smacking the baby..." WHAT do you think you're DOING TO MY BABY!!" herman snorted.
Dr Sambhi struggles to comprehend the situation. "Wait sir! i'm just trying to..."The doctor could not say more as herman lunges at him to protect his baby. But as he stepped closer and saw the blood, combined with the alcohol in his body,he fainted...(sweat)

So the baby was named Royce. yes that was quite the way i heard it from my mother. Of course slightly dramatised by Moiself. but even the shit is real. oh well Shit happens. so ends prologue to my biography

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